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InstantHitman.com - Professional Contract Killings at Prices You Can Afford.
Whether you're looking to exact revenge on a cheating spouse or to simply quiet that
noisy neighbor once and for all, InstantHitman.com can help.
Let our team of experienced contract killers make a bold statement on your behalf!
If you're reading this fine print, you're either a search engine, a lawyer, or just
really bored.
In any event, this site is obviously a joke. Please, don't kill anyone,
and don't hire anyone to kill anyone. Got it?
Select a Method:
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standard assassinations (shooting) - A timeless classic - simple, yet highly effective. While most of our firearm killings are done at close range using a small-caliber handgun to minimize unsightly blood and brain spatter, the target may be executed using a shotgun or high-powered sniper rifle at the discretion of your hitman.
- drugging - A popular choice amongst those looking for a quiet, discreet kill. Your hitman will select the most appropriate drug combination based on the target's age and lifestyle to make the death appear most natural. Druggings typically appear as a heart attack or overdose (narcotic or prescription). This type of killing rarely involves a physical confrontation between the target and your hitman.
- stabbing - A painful death which typically lasts several minutes, the target is stabbed (often with an ordinary kitchen knife) several dozen times in the face, neck, and torso. Death typically results from hemorrhage, giving the target a few moments to think about his or her life before it comes to an abrupt end.
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euthanasia - Back by popular demand. Euthanasia is the act of killing somebody who has an incurable illness or injury; or allowing or assisting that person in a suicide. We carry out this service by administering a dose of potassium chloride into the bloodstream potassium chloride can not be traced through an autopsy, because the presence of this chemical in the tissues is normal at the time of death.
- burning - Popular amongst barbecue enthusiasts. The target is turned into a human charcoal briquette - typically killed in an automobile fire, house fire, or workplace fire. Due to the unpredictable nature of fire in general, burning deaths are most suitable for targets who do not live or work with you (for your own safety).
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staged suicides - The easiest way to stop the police from snooping around for a killer is to make them think that the victim is also the killer. That way they won't even be able to question the "suspect" and the case will be closed and shoved into the "closed files".
- strangling - Most suitable for female and weak male targets to minimize any potential struggle. The target is strangled using a method deemed suitable by your hitman (such as his hands, a rope, electrical cord, belt, etc.) Leaves the target sufficiently dead but with minimal visible physical trauma. Ideal for those who plan to attend the target's funeral but don't like the sight or thought of blood.
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apparent accidents - Your hitman will covertly study the daily activity of the target for several days and will then organize and carefully execute a hit designed to appear as if the target were simply the victim of an unfortunate accident. An excellent option for eliminating elderly targets, physically and mentally disabled targets, and targets who work in environments prone to injury. If you worry about investigations, you may want to pick our "apparent accident" option. Due to the necessity for thorough planning, we offer our "apparent accident" package at a small markup.
- drowning - Typically done in the target's own home but may be done in an alternate location, if required. The target's face is submerged in water (usually bath, toilet or pool) until he or she is dead. Unless an excessive struggle makes the use of additional force absolutely necessary, the target is fully conscious while being drowned.
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total disappearances - Some of our clients prefer that their "problems" disappear completely without a trace. We use several options to make people disappear. The body will simply cease to exist. For example, the target will be subject to total body immersion in concentrated hydrofluoric acid. Because the body is liquefied into nothing more than a thick black sludge, location or identification of the body is essentially impossible. A solid alibi is suggested for individuals selecting this method for use on immediate family members, as the death often turns into a missing person case.
- plummeting - An excellent choice for shoppers looking for a death that gets the attention of the public and media. The target is thrown from the greatest available height and plummets to ground below. When possible, no bodily harm will be inflicted upon the target prior to the fall to minimize any suspicion of foul play.
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sudden illnesses (poisoning) - There are several substances that will cause vital organs to "spontaneously" shut down several weeks after the substance has been ingested. At that time all traces of any foreign substances will be naturally eliminated from the system through digestive tracts.
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framing of innocent suspects - If you want to be in the clear we can make sure that someone else's "fingerprints" are found on the "smoking gun". This is the best option for clients who wish to have more than one mark eliminated.
- crushing - Quick and effective - the perfect option when you just want the job done and don't care about getting fancy. The target is crushed under the tires of a moving vehicle (car, truck, bus, train, etc.) In some cases, the target's body may be severely mangled or even dismembered.
- bludgeoning - For those looking to leave a battered corpse for someone to identify, death by bludgeoning is an excellent option. The target will be fatally beaten with one or more items at your hitman's disposal, including (but not limited to) fists, feet, a bottle, brick, bat, hammer, pipe, crowbar, or shovel.
- random violence - The target will be killed while amongst a group of people (such as while in line at a store). The target, as well as all bystanders, will be killed, typically with the use of fully-automatic firearms or explosive devices. An excellent option for making the target's death look like an unfortunate random case of "wrong place at the wrong time.
- explosion - The target will be killed by powerful explosion.
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killer's choice - For the adventurous shopper looking for a genuine surprise, we offer the "Killer's choice" option. Your hitman will take the liberty of selecting how he'd like to kill the target, based solely on his mood that day. If you're the nervous type who may quickly cave under the pressure of police questioning, this option will help you plead ignorance when the target turns up missing-or dead.
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